A Tale of Two Frostys: A McDonalds Love Story
by PockyPaint
Summary: When juvinile delinquent Sakura Haruno gets a job at America's favorite resteraunt, it's chaos! From karate chopping old ladies to flying burgers of doom, join us on Sakura's hilarious journey to discover true love AND how NOT to kill a customer.
1. Prologue

**This came into my head while eating breakfast one day and thinking about how to combat the impending invasion of evil bunny rabbits. What? You know it's going to happen sooner or later…**

**I don't own Naruto. Sigh…**

**I have to warn you: This story occasionally veers off in random directions. I sometimes forget the plot for about 10 minutes and write about weird stuff until I remember. You have been warned.**

**A Tale of Two Frostys: Prologue**

McDonalds. One of the highest ranking fast food franchises in the world. Known for their delicious Big Macs, glorious fries, friendly bright Ms, and Ronald McDonald. Lies! All Lies!

What I should really be saying is heart-clogging cow patties on buns that have probably been dropped on the floor, spray-painted cardboard sticks, so-freaking-bright-they-could-blind-someone-and-cause-a-car-accident yellow Ms that might fall and crush somebody, and a child molesting clown whose very statues are provocative.

I mean come on. I saw one where he had his legs open and the sign said: Take a seat on Ronald McDonald!

Tch. No effin way.

As you can plainly see, I have major issues with McDonalds. You'd probably think I wouldn't be caught within a thousand feet of that waste land. That I would go around with picket signs with catchy slogans like: Down with McDonalds, up with Healthcare! Or some stupid mess like that. Well, you my friend would be absolutely wrong.

I WORK here.

I know *waits for the gasps of outrage and horror to subside*, I am utterly ashamed. There are but two things that keep me here and sane. The two things that keeps me from burning this joint down in the middle of the night and feigning innocence. My friends and the bet.

Every since I maxed out my dad's American Express card on tons of emo clothes, wrecked the car, and ended up in jail for beating up an old lady, who I _swear _was trying to molest me, for four days until Hinata used some of her oodles of stolen heiress money to bail me out, he'd read me the riot act every freaking morning at 6:00 A.M. when I was getting ready for school, and when I got in again at 4:00. It sounded a little like this:

"_Sakura Haruno! You need to get a job and stop mooching off your mother and me. You are old enough to have some responsibility. You should take a few notes from Kusanji. Now that boy really made a father proud. If you were half as mature as him and had even a quarter of his dignity, you would stop running around with those empty headed hooligans you call friends. What are their names? Kinata and PinPin? Tinata and HenHen? Hinata and TenTen! That's it. Hinata Hyuuga and TenTen Ishiyama. Hyuuga's parents did the right thing, disowning her after she hacked into their bank accounts, stole their money, and used it to sue KFC for cruelty to chickens!."_

I have to butt in right now to clarify a few things. My friends and I have problems with certain franchises. What can I say? Birds of a feather burn down franchises together! With me it's McDonalds and with Hinata it's KFC. And you'll see what TenTen's is… And Kusanji is my brother, the "Golden Boy" of the family. Ugh, that sneaky little suck-up sickens me. With him everything must be clean, unbroken, and _completely _legal. See? SUCH a goody two-shoes. But he's more crooked than they know… Anyway, on with the rant!

"_And don't even get me started on Ishiyama. That girl is a criminal! Crazy! A loon! She was arrested just last week for having all those illegal weapons in her basement! She should be lucky Hyuuga bailed her out. Can you believe she threatened the manager of Starbucks at point blank range with a 22 caliber rifle because she claimed that the store was stunting America's growth?" _Blah, Blah, Blah, Blabity, Blabity, BLAH!

As you can see, I and my friends have certain…issues. But we're thicker than thieves…literally. We may have been slightly influential in a bank heist a couple of months ago. But nothing that can be proven…

Anyway besides having pocket money and getting my dad off my back, I probably should explain about the bet. See, so I wouldn't feel lonely, TenTen and Hinata decided we should all get jobs at the said hated franchises, and see who could last the longest without quitting.

So now TenTen and Hinata work at Starbucks and KFC, while I toil away here in this grease drowned rats nest. But thinking about Hinata and TenTen having to wear banana suits all day at the Konoha mall helps pass the time. Yes, that was the bet.

You're probably wondering who this random person is who's poring out their life story. Well let me describe them: It's me, Sakura Haruno, the wonder of Konoha. The awesome, beautiful, animal cuddling heroine who wears dresses and uses manners. The sweet and innocent lover of clowns and bunnies everywhere… *cue rainbow unicorns and sparkles*.

Bleh.

My therapist says I'm a compulsive liar.

I said I needed to get home to feed my fire-breathing monkey. He said he knew that wasn't true. I asked him how he knew and called him a 'stalker'. He said to do him a favor and get off the desk and stop screaming. I told him to do me a favor go and jump off a cliff. He said I should tell him why I'm so angry all the time. I asked him why he had a stick up his…you know. He had me thrown out. I egged his house.

You see why officials hate me.

Anyway, this is the true description: I am tiny, dare I say it, pixie-like. Not anorexic supermodel skinny (though I **am **slim), and not undeveloped. Just stunted in the height department. Overly short you could say. I've been compared to a china doll by some.

Those 'some' ended up in the hospital. All 27 of them.

What can I say? They tried my gangsta.

Everyone looks like a tree to me. I look like a shrimp standing between 5'6" Hinata and 5'8" TenTen. I'm five feet exactly. So I make up for my lack of height in attitude.

And strength. NEVER forget the freaky mutant strength.

It just seems like everyone likes to pick on short people. Just take what happened last week at the candy store:

_Store Clerk: "Miss, what is your hand doing in my jar?"_

_Me: "…What's your jar doing on my hand?"_

_Clerk: "The jar couldn't have just jumped on you hand, Miss. It's an inanimate object."_

_Me: "How would you know? Maybe all jars are perverts who try to molest innocent little girls' hands."_

_Clerk: "Okay, listen up Squirt. My shift ends in five minutes, and I'm tired and irritable. I-"_

_Me: "You don't have to tell me! Who stuck the lobsters down your pants?"_

_Clerk: "Will you please be quiet and listen! I've been dealing with little kids like you all day and I'm sic-"_

_Me: "Wait, wait, wait! Little kids like me? Just how old do you think I am?_

_Clerk: "Well, judging from your height, I'd say nine or ten, but wh-"_

_Me: "My __**HEIGHT!**__"_

_Clerk: "Hey, kid! What are you doing with that jar of skittles? Wait, No! Oww!_

_Me: "I'm 17, you butt munch! You inconsiderate jerk! Take this and this, and some of this!"_

_Clerk: "Aaaaiiiiieeeeee!" _

_Me: "Mmmphh!"_

_Clerk: "OW! You bit me! You she-devil! You actually bit me! Put that candy cane down, you little delinquent! Aahh! _

Needless to say, I'm never allowed back there again and the clerk got a restraining order against me. He's the one who caused my second stay in juvie.

Now that we've established the fact that I look like a pink-haired Tinkerbelle, let's carry on.

There, I said it. Pink hair. Yes, it's natural. I'm very proud of it. Not because it's pink (I really can't stand wearing that color). But because it's different and I can never hide it. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes it's bad. It's good for being noticed, not so much when trying to avoid being caught by the police.

It goes about half-way down my back, so it's pretty hard to disguise. You can't tell me I don't try some days. I do. But my hair is TOUGH! I tried to cut it one time, and I broke the scissors. And don't even try to dye it, ugh! It's like all the coloring beads up on the strands and makes this mushy gunk that takes forever to get out.

My hair's a rebel. Gotta give it some respect.

I have short, choppy bangs in front and really long side bangs. It does this awesome fade thing. My hair is a dark magenta at the scalp and lightens to an almost whitish pink at the ends. I got to admit that it's pretty cool. It's nice not to be left out. Both Hinata and TenTen have cool hair. TenTen's hair is so long that it brushes the back of her knees, so she wears it up in two brown buns on top of her head. Those things have got to be majorly heavy. It must take some huge amount of willpower to keep her head up in class. I don't have that problem. I'm asleep all the way, baby!

Hinata has the shortest hair out of the three of us. It longest part just barely passes her shoulders. The shortest part rests on the back of her neck. She wears hers in an asymmetrical bob. For those of you out there too stupid (coughNarutocough) to know what it means and too lazy (coughShikamarucough) to tell said stupid person what it means, it means long in the front and short in the back. Not even, you know? It's an awesome shade of blue that's blackish looking on some light, and a bright blue in another kind of light.

Oh, and I have apple green eyes. TenTen has nice, NORMAL brown eyes. Hinata's eyes are a very pale lavender color. Might as well call them white. But she SWEARS they're lavender.

Psh. What ever keeps her sane.

You may have noticed that I've described my friends too in my supposed description of my self. Well, I don't want to be murdered in my sleep because they feel unappreciated. If you have any problems with them, it's your neck, not mine.

What was I talking about before I got all caught up in describing myself? Oh yeah, working at McDonalds. First let's start with the employees. First there's the assistant manager. Let me tell you, if evil had a human form, it would go around in seven inch heels, a mini skirt, and be called Karin. I swear that girl is out to get me. Maybe she feels threatened having another female around besides Temari who isn't one of her whack-job underlings. Karin is 6'. You see why I hate her.

"It's the preferred height of supermodels," she'd said. "I guess that means you'll never model anything, midget." She said that to me once. I tripped her and she fell like the uber tall tree that she is.

We started off on the wrong foot. You should have heard how she screamed when that hot hamburger (straight off the grill, honey!) hit her smack in the face on my first day on the job. I was moved from the grills up to the register where I'd actually have to confront people for that, but it was worth it. Oh yeah. So very worth it. Also on my first day, I stood on her face and left the imprint of my shoe there. Kinda like the walk of fame, you know with the stars and handprints in cement and stuff?

Cough.

Moving right along…

Karin is six feet tall, anorexic skinny, stupid, six feet, has bright red hair, wears glasses, is six feet tall, and thinks all men fall at her heel-clad feet. Yeah, right. Only the dumb ones. Did I mention she was six feet tall? I think the only reason the boss hired her was because she looks like a really tall lit match…you know, use her to attract attention. Heck, he could have just hired ME to attract attention!

Now you would think that after throwing a piping hot hamburger patty in a girl's face, I'd have a one-way ticket out of there. Surely she told the manager who was sitting purposefully in his office and he came out breathing fire!

Well that's the problem. The manager _wasn't _sitting in his office. He never is.

Subject two: Kakashi Hatake.

The dude is always late. I mean he only shows up when we're closing down shop, spouting out some lame excuse about being lost on the path of life, or helping an old lady across the street. What old lady takes 12 hours to cross an intersection? He was probably just sitting at home reading his hentai Icha Icha Paradise books, or at a beauty salon getting tons of hairspray applied to his gravity defying hair. His hair is silver, but I honestly don't think he's over 20. Kakashi has the potential to be incredibly hot, but he's very creepy. The guy goes around with a black mask covering half his face. Kiba says Kakashi thinks it's a chick magnet.

I work with five other people besides Karin: There is one at the drive thru, two preparing the food, and two others at the cash register besides me. There are actually supposed to be two people at the drive thru because Karin's supposed to be helping, but she just spends her time painting her nails in the back.

Temari, Shikamaru, and I work at the registers, Kiba and Gaara prepare the food and Ami works at the drive thru. She's one of Karin's lackeys. Brown hair, purple eyes, snobby attitude, anorexic. You know, the works. She really wants to be in the back with Karin, but the devil's spawn said she had to cover for her. The only reason Ami's here is because Karin's here, and the only reason Karin's here is to meet boys. That is soooo nasty. Who meets potential boyfriends in a fast food joint?

Temari and Gaara are siblings, though they don't look anything alike. She has dirty blonde hair in four pigtails. He has red hair, a love tattoo on his forehead, and no eyebrows. He's kind of hot though, in an anti-social world-hater way. She's cool with everyone and laid back. All three of us get along pretty well. Temari has a crush on Shikamaru, the lazy bum. She didn't say so but you can TOTALLY tell.

Shikamaru is an effin genius. And that's not even a figure of speech. The guy has an I.Q. of over 200. You may ask "If he's so smart, why is he working at McDonalds?" Well, it's really simple: The smart idiot was too lazy to mail in his college application to Harvard. So now he works here. You can't even call it working. Mostly he just leans his head on the register and goes to sleep. Then it's me or Temari's other job to leave our waiting costumers and wake him up. Most of the time it's me, because Temari doesn't approve of violence.

Meh. Everyone can't be perfect. I don't even try.

Gaara has absolutely no problem using violence. He dishes it out pretty regularly trying to keep Kiba in line.

Ah, Kiba. That kid could go places. Not quite so bad behaved as to get thrown in jail like me and my besties, but enough to have some pretty good damage on his permanent record that'll keep him from getting into any respectable college. Closest person I've got to a kindred spirit here besides Gaara.

Now **he's **my idol! Gaara has actually been to prison _**six**_ times! He's actually on parole now. I'm taking notes from him, if you want to know.

There is actually some one else here besides the employees. It's Kiba's dog, Akumaru. He's small enough to hide easily and ride on Kiba's head, but there are side effects to that. He sleeps on the hamburger buns. That are unwrapped. As in not covered up. Did I mention he's a dog?

Enough said.

Oh, and one time when he was on Kiba's head while he was flipping burgers, he drooled on them and Kiba didn't notice. I could barely hold back my laughter as I handed the fat lady her order. Later I heard her telling her friends,

"That pink haired cashier was so nice. She smiled at me the entire time! Hey, taste this. Does it seem… off to you?"

Oh the joys of toying with unsuspecting victims!

Karin knows about Akumaru, but since Kakashi's never here, she can't rat Kiba out. She's holding a grudge against the pooch cuz' he peed in her purse.

There are a couple of good things about working here, like the uniforms. Or rather, lack of uniforms. Since Kakashi doesn't enforce dress code, we all pretty much dress like hooligans and trouble makers straight off the street. Well, except Ami and Karin. They dress like they WORK on the street. My typical work outfit would be a tight tank top, black cargo pants, and converse.

I love converse. Like, I would kill for them. I have 134 pairs, in assorted colors. Since TenTen, Hinata and I wear the same size shoes, we all trade out a lot. TenTen and I borrow a lot of Hinata's Pastries, Hinata and I borrow TenTen's Vans and they both borrow my Converse/Chuck's.

None of the McDonalds employees wear name tags encase we get in trouble (which has been happening a lot since I got hired) and we don't want the police knowing our names. I also carry fake ids for everyone here except for Karin and Ami. Who cares if the Queen B and her skanky drone get caught? Not me, or anyone else here.

This begins the story of my life here, stuck in this horrible place with an emo, red haired prison inmate, his weirdly sane and rational sister, her smart rather-die-than-move-myself lazy pineapple headed crush, an entirely absent manager, a pain in the as-butt co-manager, her ubber preppy follower, a troublemaking fry cook and his drool-on-customer's-food dog, and me, the crazy pink-haired psycho.

Enjoy my misery while you can.

**So what do you people think? Originally I was going to make it a one-shot, but the voices inside my head wouldn't let me. ;) Sorry if there are a few errors in spelling, I'm not that patient.**

**The voices love reviews, but no flames please! Flames give them indigestion.**

**P.s. and I'd love ideas for the plot…I kinda just do what the voices say, and they get their ideas from the Mystic Warrior, Toasty the Holy Bread Stick…**

**So yeah. Help me out here!**


	2. The shortest interview EVER!

**Ummm…What can I say besides the standard disclaimer and VIVA PINATA!**

**I don't own Naruto. **

**But if I did…*cue maniacal laughter* AAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! BUGAHAHAHAAHAH! AHAHAAHHAH-ACK! **

**CHOKING! I'm choking here! WATER, NEED WATER! GASP!**

**Hack. Wheeze. Gag. Gurgle. Fizzzzz…Golem. **

**Soooo…It's probably a good thing I don't own it. I might have one of the characters *Karin* spontaneously combust. **

A Tale of Two Frostys: An Interview, Some Irritation, and a Lot of Screaming.

Sakura's Pov:

I remember my first day of work like it was yesterday…

**FLASHBACK! WHEEE!**

_I was kind of hoping that I wouldn't get the job, since, you know, I HATE McDonalds. So I dressed to UN-impress. White tank top, dark baggy jeans, black beanie, black Vans (from TenTen), hair braided down in two low pigtails. You know, standard hoodlum gear._

_Cuz that's how I __**roll**__, SON. ___

_Hinata and TenTen dropped me off first since my stop was closest. I wished them luck as they headed towards their respective torture chambers._

_I took a deep breath, turned towards the building behind me and…dropped to the ground covering my eyes and screaming bloody murder._

"_My __**EYES**__! That __**FRICKIN'**__ yellow __**M**__ burned my __**GOD DANG**__ eyes! The __**FREAK!**__ What kind of __**CRAP**__ is that? What __**DUECE-BAG**__ approved this?"_

_I didn't notice the crowd of spectators gathering around me until one of them whispered "Whose kid is that? Such language for someone so young…"_

_I wish I could tell you that the following scenes were full of peace, and love, bright colors and flowers randomly floating by, and 70's hippie music._

_Actually, no I don't. Because that last part just sounded plain gay. What actually happened was:_

"_Who said that? Just how old do you think I am?" I said, jumping up and forgetting my momentary blind...ed…ed…ness? "Come on, speak up you bunch of geezers!"_

_The speaker was an old lady. I mean like prehistoric pterodactyl 'uga uga, me make fire' old. I'm so serious! My prison uniform didn't have that many lines!_

"_That would be me, young lady! Where are your parents? I would like to speak to them about the behavior of their kid an-"_

"_Yadda yadda yadda. I asked you 'How old do you think I am?"_

"_Um…ten?"_

"_Is that so…hold this." I turned to the nearest person next to me, a boy of about 16 with triangular markings on his face. He looked mildly surprised when I handed him the one stud out of my right ear, since I hadn't wanted to wear two today. My ears have four holes on each side. After thinking about it for a few seconds, I reached down, pulled up my shirt slightly and unhooked my emerald belly button ring. _

_Don't want to risk something being painfully pulled out._

"_Okay, I'm good. Bring it, you wheezy old bat!"_

_The lady had also readied her self. Swinging her purse onto her shoulder, she yelled, "With pleasure, punk!"_

_We leapt towards each other and time slowed down. All of a sudden, we were both wearing long leather coats and boots, and really cool sunglasses and…_

_Naw, just kidding. Just having a Matrix moment._

_I lunged at the old woman and tackled her to the ground. One thing I learned in all my years of street fighting was to never stay too close to your opponent for too long. You might get a knife to the ribs. So after a few minutes of rolling on the gravel, I jumped off her and decided to see what she would do. _

_Spitting out rocks, blood, and teeth, the coot reached into her bag and pulled out…a pair of nun chucks._

_What. The. Goose-Monkey. _

_I ducked an incoming swing of hers, and gave her a round house kick to the face. She stumbled back a few steps with her face turned to the side. She slowly turned her head back around with her hair in her face._

_Crrreeeeeppppyy… _

_She charged towards me swinging the nun chucks wildly. One of them caught me on the arm as I leaped out of the way. Another just barely missed connecting with my head. As I dodged the flurry of attacks, the old bat suddenly threw out a leg, catching me on my side. I was thrown off balance and another well placed blow sent me crashing onto the street._

_The lady swung her nun chucks down in a vicious arch, a smug smile on her face. Ignoring the pain in my side, I rolled out of the way and shot my foot out, knocking her feet from under her, sending her flailing onto the hard ground beside me._

"_Aahh, my __**HIP**__!"_

_Never forget the dangers of fighting old people. No matter how much fun it is, remember: they could throw a joint out, and must be taken pity on._

_Yeeaaahh, I don't think so._

_I quickly scrambled on top of her while she was in agony. As I began pounding her face into Granny Oatmeal, I made note of all the things that fell off her face/out of her mouth. _

_Dentures…glasses…wig…fake wart…oops…ok, not so fake, eww. Then came a glass __**eye**__…a pack of cocaine…fake nose…wait what? _

_Cocaine?_

_I was just about to examine the packet some more when a pair of arms yanked me off the lady. It's about time. We've been brawling in a public parking lot, surrounded by a crowd of people chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!" for what…about ten minutes? And they're just now starting to intervene? _

_Stuffing the cocaine and the nun chucks (What? I've always wanted some) into the deep pockets of my cargos, I let the unknown person haul me to my feet. _

"_Took you long enough. It would have saved me a whole lot of unnecessary fighting if you had shown up a little earlier," I mumbled to the silver haired man who had helped me up._

_It's true. I could have won the fight against the hag within the first few seconds by hitting a pressure point like Hinata showed me. But since there was a crowd, I took it a little too far. _

_Dr. Phil says I get excited easily. As if. I am the very essence of calm. _

_I mean, the lady's face doesn't look that bad, if you sort of squint both eyes and turn your head to the right and down, and look at it in the dark…with a blindfold on._

_Ok, a lot. I took it a lot too far. _

_The man's silver hair was gravity defying. I mean, I could probably cut myself on its spikes. He was wearing a blue shirt with the words: Hatake, Kakashi: Manager on a name tag. The weird thing was that he was wearing a mask that covered half his face. His one visible eye was black, and he was using it to glare at the crowd of people still forming a loose ring around me and the now prone nun chuck-less figure on the ground._

"_There's nothing to see here, so either go buy a hamburger, or get off my property," the man ordered. Um…it's more like the city's property, but okay. The crowd walked off grumbling about being cheated out of free entertainment. _

_He turned to look at me. "Come inside, we have to get that blood off of you so that if someone calls the police, you won't be immediately suspected." Hm, spoken like a true murder accomplice._

"_Uh…what about her?" I said, nodding towards the unconscious old lady. _

_The man gave me a funny look. "What about her?"_

"_She probably needs all her parts sown back together or something, before she dies of blood loss."_

"_I say let her die." That was the jewelry-holder-boy. He hadn't left. "She's always coming here and tripping about the food."_

"_Well we can't just leave her here," the man said thoughtfully. "Gaara. Take her out-"_

_At this I gasped dramatically. It's not that I liked the lady. I've just always wanted to gasp dramatically. _

_No, I don't want counseling._

_A red haired boy with green eyes silently appeared next to the boy who I had given my rings to, Kiba. _

"_-and chuck her in the dumpster behind Waffle House. They could use some bad publicity, the stuck up little snobs." _

_Oh. That's okay then. I nodded my thanks to Kiba as he handed me back my rings._

_Gaara grabbed the hag by her ankles and dragged her away, her moans of pain slowly fading into the distance. Kiba bent down, and with a shudder, began to pick up the lady's broken or detached body parts and place them in a zip-loc bag. _

_I muffled a shriek as I looked down and saw her nose crawl across the top of my Vans. Ugh. TenTen's gonna kill me if she finds nose slime on her babies. With a sharp flick of my foot, I sent the body part squelching against Kiba's back. _

_Uh, huh. Aim made perfect by years of hurling stink bombs at cheerleaders with TenTen and Hinata. _

_He whirled around and grimaced briefly at the trail of slime on his shirt, before turning his glare on me. I just looked around as if to say "Who? ME?"_

_I'm a perfectly innocent little girl._

_Huh. That's also what that chick in that horror movie said before she ate those dudes' brains. What a co inky-dink…_

"_So…" Kakashi started, "what were you doing here in the first place?"_

"_Oh yeah…can I have a job here?" I ducked my head down. I didn't want anyone I knew to see me here and think I liked it._

"_Hm…think fast! 30 second interview! Age?"_

"_17."_

"_Race?"_

"_Japanese American."_

"_Place of birth?"_

"_New York."_

"_You got a criminal record?"_

"_Yep."_

"_You carry weapons?"_

"_Yep."_

"_Illegal ones?"_

"_Yep."_

"_What kinds?"_

"_Stuff the U.S isn't supposed to know about."_

"_Where'd you get them?"_

"_I'm not at liberty to say."_

"_Area 51?"_

"_Yep."_

"_You wanted in any states?"_

"_Yep."_

"_How many?"_

"_37…no, wait, 38. The Alaskans tried to shank me last month."_

"_You have a fake i.d.?"_

"_Yep."_

"_You know a kid named Naruto Uzamaki?"_

"_Yep."_

"_Relation?"_

"_Cousin."_

"_Interesting."_

"_Do I get the job?"_

"_Sure, why not?"_

"_Really?"_

"_No."_

"…"

"_Kidding."_

"_I hate you."_

"_We're going to get along just fine." Kakashi grinned, or at least I think he did. The mask was making it kind of hard to tell._

"_Do you make it a habit to hire juvenile delinquents? Usually the police would have dragged me away by now." I was kind of confused. It's like he wanted criminals to work for him._

_Kakashi looked away sheepishly. "I'd rather they be working for me than jacking a car somewhere." I nodded. Speaking of jacking cars…that BMW over there looks mighty nice…_

_Kakashi caught me eying the black vehicle and growled, "Don't even think about it." Kiba had finished bagging the parts and had come to stand beside me._

"_So, who is this?" he said, looking me up and down. "Dang, boss, you sure know how to pick them. She's pretty hot." He smiled crazily at me. "Can I get your number?" I smiled prettily and twisted his arm behind his back. Kiba yelped like a little pup._

"_Now, now, Kiba be nice." Kakashi patted him on the head slightly. "This is your new co-worker, Ms…uh. Hey, what's your name?"_

_I sweat-dropped. "You hired me without asking my name?" _

"_Don't judge me. Now what is it?"_

"_Haruno, Sakura Haruno."_

"_Jolly good. Kiba! Gaara!" The red headed boy had come to stand beside me. "Show her around and direct her to her station. I'm going on break." Kakashi then took the bag of parts, walked over to his car and drove off. No wonder he didn't want me bothering that BMW; it was his._

_Kiba slung an arm over my shoulder and began to steer me into the building, Gaara following closely behind. We walked past the empty waiting area (no, this isn't one of those 24 hour joints, thank GOD!) and into the employee only section. I was wondering how in the world Kakashi was taking a break when we hadn't even opened yet when a weird scene met my eyes:_

_A brown-streaked blonde was wrestling on the floor with a red-headed chick with glasses. From the few clear glimpses I could get of them, I could tell that blonde looked sophisticated and calm, while red head looked slutty and furious. The blonde was obviously the better fighter, but it seemed like she was holding back, like she was trying not to hurt the red head. The blonde was now sitting on the red head's stomach trying to keep her hands pinned down. _

_They were squabbling next to a table with a huge lamp. Being the seasoned fighter that I was, I recognized it as a potential weapon. A simple bash on the head with that thing would end all resistance. Apparently Gaara and the blonde recognized this at the same time. She glanced towards it and then shook her head slightly, as if clearing any violent thoughts from her head. _

_Gaara hissed under his breath. I don't blame him. I was eager for blood too; regardless of the fight I had two minutes ago. The blonde looked up when she heard Gaara, and the red head, seeing an opening, reached up and slashed her ghastly pink and yellow three inch nails across the blonde's cheek, leaving four bloody claw marks. _

_I looked for Gaara, but he was gone. How does he do that? He was just here. Kiba just looked like he was holding back a nose bleed. He must not see a lot of catfights. Deciding to help the blonde out, walked over to the two. 'Accidentally' stepping on the red head's face, I reached a hand out and pulled the blonde up. I smiled at her and began examining the claw marks._

"_Those look like they hurt. Hey Kiba," I called. "Could you bring me a first aid kit? Kiba nodded while holding a hand over his still bleeding nose. I stayed where I was, on top of the other girl's face. Kiba came back with the first aid kit. "What's your name?" I asked the blonde as I set the kit on the table._

"_Temari."_

"_I'm Sakura, the new employee. This might sting a bit." Temari winced slightly as I put the antiseptic on her cut face. I then smoothed three Band-Aids over the long cuts. "So who's the chick I'm standing on?"_

"_The assistant manager, Karin."_

"_Oh… well…that sucks. Why were you two fighting?"_

"_She jumped me. She was getting revenge for Kiba embarrassing her in front of the customers."_

"_Why did she jump you then?"_

"_I told him what to say. The kid doesn't come up with his own material, you know."_

"_What'd he say?"_

"_I told him to page her on the intercom and said, 'Karin, the owner of some place named __Booty Call Inc.__ phoned and said you left your birth control pills again."_

"_Wicked… "_

_I was finished patching up Temari, so I hopped off the girl's face. The soles of my size 6.5 Vans were printed neatly on her forehead, eyes, and mouth. She was groaning in what I assumed to be pain. _

_Tch. How weak. I was barely on her face for three minutes. She wouldn't last five in a football game with the girls and me. _

"_Come on," Temari said, smiling. "I'll introduce you to your new coworkers. You already know Karin." She pointed at the girl on the floor. I nodded politely at her, though I'm pretty sure she didn't see. The word 'Vans' was imprinted across both her eyes. That might have messed with her vision slightly._

_Temari pointed towards a couch I hadn't noticed that had a boy sleeping on it, who I also hadn't noticed. His hair was spiky and brown. It kind of looked like a pineapple. He was fast asleep. _

"_That's Shikamaru Nara. He's not like the rest of us. He wasn't working on the streets, like Karin and her friend, Ami, or on parole, like my brother Gaara, who you've also met, or watching someone on parole to make sure he doesn't violate his probationary contract, like me. And he wasn't sent here because his summer school kicked him out like Kiba."_

"_Wait a minute! I WAS right! Kakashi DOES hire only juvenile delinquents or trouble makers!" I yelled. Temari sweat dropped._

"_Let me guess, He told you it was because he rather us be here than be on the streets._

"_Exactly."_

"_He just couldn't find anyone else who would work for minimum wage."_

"_Ah."_

"_Anyway, Shikamaru is only here because he was too lazy to mail in his college application to Harvard."_

"_Shame."_

"_Ain't that the truth…"_

_She led me into the back with the grills. "This is where you'll work. You'll cook the food or bag it, but that's for you and Kiba to decide. You may even do both." I wrinkled my nose at the caked up grease that covered the stove. _

"_When was the last time this thing was __**cleaned**__?"_

"_Uh, I dunno…six months ago?"_

"_That's crazy nasty."_

_Gaara suddenly ran into the room carrying a flame thrower. "Where's Karin?" He asked. I looked at him like he was retarded while Temari chuckled nervously._

"_Calm down, bro!" She said. "No blood, no foul right?"_

"_There was blood. You're bleeding. From her scratches. That counts as blood."_

"_Dude, just chill. I'll take you by the sand box after work, okay? But you gotta be calm. Put that thing down." Gaara hesitated for a minute, and then nodded. Carefully putting the flamethrower down, he smiled sheepishly at me then walked back to the front._

"_That…was weird," I said. Seriously. He looked like a deranged psycho-path for a minute._

"_Eh, he's an overprotective brother. What can you do?" Temari shrugged and began putting out utensils and telling me how to use them. _

"_What was that part about the sand box?"_

"_Oh, it's just that going to the sand box calms him down. We used to go there so much when we younger that people started referring to us as the sand siblings."_

"_Cool."_

"_I know right. So you think you got it, because it's almost time for us to open up."_

"_Yep, I'm good."_

_Waving at me, she went through the door just as Kiba walked in. He stumbled over the discarded flamethrower, looked at it for a minute and quietly said, "What in the world…how did a flamethrower get in…?" _

_Shaking his head, he turned to me and smiled._

"_Hey Sakura! You'll be working with me back here. Gaara, Temari, and Shikamaru work the registers. Ami and Karin work the drive thru. When some one wants something, the orders will appear here," he said, pointing to a computer monitor in front of the grill. "And we'll prepare the food and place it there!" This time he pointed at a counter between the registers and the drive thru windows._

"_Alright!" I yelled, pumping a fist into the air. "Let's do this!"_

"_Yeah!" Kiba joined in with me._

_Karin suddenly stormed into the kitchen, holding an ice pack to her face. The VANS sign hadn't faded all the way. A brown haired girl I hadn't seen before followed after her, carrying a make up bag. _

"_YOU two! Slackers!" Karin hissed. "Get to work. There are hungry peasants out there that want to be fed. They're not gonna wait all day, you know! We __**NEED**__ their money! I'll be in my office if you need me." She looked at me. " Do me a favor, new girl,"_

"_Sakura Haruno's my name," I said. "And being a juvenile delinquent is my ga-"_

"_Like I care. Anyway do me favor? DON'T need me. And I won't forget what you did to my face. You'd better watch your back." And with that she turned on her stiletto and whisked out. The brown haired girl lingered for a bit, as if she was unsure of what to do besides sneer at me._

"_Ami! Get in here, __**APPLY MY MAKEUP**__, and get back to work!" Ami jumped and scurried out of the room. Kiba and I looked at each other, shrugged, and turned to our stations. While Karin had been yelling, the restaurant had opened and the first three orders had come in on the screen._

_**Order 1: Double Cheeseburger Combo Meal: Contents: 1 double cheeseburger, hold the mustard, and a large fry. Cashier will give cup for drink.**_

_**Order 2: Big Mac, single, no combo. Extra pickles.**_

_**Order 3: Chocolate Frosty, medium, small fry. **_

_Kiba washed his hands and then began grilling multiple burgers while I laid out the buns and condiments in front of him for when he was done. Then I dumped a bag of fries into the deep fryer and went looking for the salt. I couldn't find any so I called to Kiba,_

"_Dude, where's the salt?"_

"_I guess I forgot to take some out! Uh…run to the closet over there real quick. It should be on the top shelf." I walked over to the closet and opened the door. I stepped inside and looked for the salt. I saw it sitting behind what looked like a bag of buns. Stepping up, I was reaching for the salt when the unimaginable happened:_

_The. Buns. Barked. At. Me. _

_What. The. Goose-Monkey._

_Of course, being the uber calm person that I am, I didn't scream. _

_I just called over my shoulder, "Hey Kiba?"_

"_Yo."_

"_The buns barked at me. And they're staring."_

"_Don't worry, that's just my dog, Akumaru. He doesn't bite or anything."_

"_Oh…"_

"…"

"…"

"…"

"_Hey Kiba?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Why do you have a dog at McDonalds?"_

"_Well, I wasn't gonna leave him at home! Are you gonna come back now? The fries are getting crispy."_

"_K." I hesitantly patted Akumaru on the head, took the salt, and walked out. When I got back to Kiba, he had already completed the burgers and was just waiting on me to finish the fries. I quickly lifted the fries out, salted them, put them in their pouches, and them put them in the right bags. I went to the frosty machine and filled up a medium frosty. Then I put all the completed orders onto the pickup counter and yelled into the mike, "ORDER UP, SQUIDWARD!"_

_Tee Hee. SpongeBob rawks my sawks._

_The lazy, pineapple headed boy, Shikamaru I think, came back to pick up the orders. He stopped and did a double take on my face, then my hair. I could just hear him asking in his head 'Who is this, again?' We stared at each other for a few minutes before I spoke._

"_Wazzup. Sakura Haruno. Grill." I held my fist out in front of me. He looked at my hand for a minute, at my face, and back at my hand._

_Slowly he reached up and bumped his fist lightly against mine. _

"_Shikamaru Nara. Register." Nodding at me, he took the food and walked away. That was cool._

_I flashed a grin at his back. I might just like working here…_

"_HARUNO! I could see you on my monitor! Why aren't you working?" The red-haired demon came storming in. _

_Spoke too soon._

"_I __was__ wor-"_

"_No, you weren't! I saw you!" Karin came and shoved me back against the grill. Kiba was hiding somewhere. Smart move. This chick was really making me angry._

"_Listen, I think you shou-"_

"_No, you listen! You can't just come swaggering in here and expect everything to be your way. I run this place!"_

"_I'm not trying to-" _

_**SLAP**__!_

_That trik slapped me. _

_She SLAPPED me. _

_Kami, forgive me for what I'm about to do._

_Normal POV: _

_Temari was in the middle of an order when she heard screaming from the kitchen. She was just turning around to see what was going on when Karin ran shrieking from the back. She was clawing at her face and couldn't see where she was going, so it wasn't surprising when she ran into the counter and flipped over it, landing on her back near the old gentleman who was ordering's feet, still screaming and jerking on the floor._

_Temari, Gaara, and Shikamaru all leaned over the counter to see what was wrong with her. It was soon obvious. A hamburger patty, still covered in boiling grease, was plastered to her face. The three cashiers cringed at the sight before leaning back and resuming their work. Temari motioned for her line to move around the twitching girl, and then continued like nothing had happened, ignoring the crazed looks the employees where getting._

**End FLASHBACK. AWW…**

Sakura's POV:

It was after that day that I was switched with Gaara and began working registers…

No wonder I could remember it so well. It DID just happen yesterday!

And I hate to say it but…I actually LIKE working here…to a certain degree. Shaking myself out of my daydream, I began talking to the last person in my line, never taking my eyes of my register and not really paying attention.

"Hi, welcome to McDonalds. Would you like to try our blah blah blah, don't really care. What do you want?" Don't blame me for being rude. My shift ends in five minutes.

"Uh…give me a…PSYCHO GIRL?"

"I'm sorry, we don't sell that here," I started as I looked up. "Maybe you try somewhere else…NARUTO?"

And there he was! My favorite cousin who I haven't seen in five years was standing right in front of me! Without even thinking about it I hopped over the counter and engulfed him in a bone crushing hug.

"Where have you been? And what are you doing **here**?" I yelled as I squeezed him tighter.

"Geeze Sakura, lighten up! I can't breathe! I just moved back to town about a month ago, but I lost your number so I couldn't call. I also forgot where you lived. And I'm here because I was seeing if my friend's uncle Kakashi was working, which apparently he's not. So I thought 'Why waste a trip to McDonalds?', and I was ordering when I saw you!" Naruto said, all in a rush.

"So can I have your new number?" I asked. "I might need to see you later on!"

"Kay, but I'm late to a thing with a guy, so I have to scribble and run since I lost valuable ordering time talking to you!" Naruto said as he quickly wrote his number down on my hand with a pen Temari had mysteriously pulled out of nowhere and handed him.

"Bye guys! Later!" Those were the last words we all heard before he was out of the door. Apparently he knew all of them from coming here often looking for Kakashi, or at least that's what Gaara told me when he and Kiba came from the back after they were done cleaning up.

Shikamaru volunteered to lock up (more like stretch out on the empty countertops and go to sleep), so we all headed home.

**So how was that? I love the fight scene with the old lady…**

**Do you think this story is too random? Whatever! I like it anyway! But I would love to here your thoughts, since…you **

**know, I can't read minds anymore. My therapist took away my superpowers. **** sigh…**

**Review! And may dictator bunnies guard you through the night.**


	3. Botox injections make it hard to cry

**I'm thinking of doing two others with Hinata, Naruto, and KFC, and Neji, TenTen, and Starbucks. **

**Yeeaaahh…I'll get back to you on that. For now I've got to stop procrastinating and finish my other stories. **

**R&R**

A Tale of Two Frostys: A McDonalds Love Story: A Motorcycle, A Cousin, and Some Ramen

Sakura's POV:

After my shift, I trudge towards home, or should I say, the battle field, because that's what it turns into as soon as I set foot in the door.

First wave of attack: My mother. Ah here she comes now. She's trying to do the guilt trip thing like on TV…it's not working. She can't pull of the teary eyed thing with her face frozen in a creepy smile. Too much Botox. But I am impressed; those tears look so real…

"S-s-s-sak-ura! How can you keep doing this your father and me? You wake up at the crack of dawn and try to sneak out-"

Hm, how could she have forgotten that I go to _**school**_…Maybe all that Botox is messing with her mind? And it figures that she would give me credit for trying to sneak out the one time I wasn't.

"-And then you come in late today-"

Okay, now I'm positive that the stuff has frozen her brain as well as her face. I told her yesterday that I was hired for a job. And WHAT is the deal with those TEARS! She shouldn't be able to fake them this long. Looking over shoulder and tuning her whining out, I spot a bottle of eye drops on the table. That's part of the scheme, but how is she…?

OH. I see. Smart. Very smart. Kind of lame, but smart.

She couldn't have come up with it, she's too busy cheating on dad with the local gynecologist, Dr. Jiraiya and going to country clubs. Dad must have come up with it. For an old man, he sure knows how to play the game.

"Mom, no not mom. Midori, cut the crap. You're a horrible liar. I bet you didn't even want to confront me. Kotoro made you, didn't he?" I say scornfully. It's strangely satisfying to see her stumble over her last rehearsed words and stutter to a stop. I may be short and have anger issues, but I'm not stupid.

"And are these earrings made of freshly cut _onions_? I was wondering how you kept the waterworks going." I glanced to the side and saw the time.

"Is it 11:00 already? I'm sure you don't want to keep Jiraiya waiting." Midori's eyes widen in shock, or at least I think they did. The Botox only allowed them to do a little twitch.

"Y-you know?"

"I've **known **for two years. I'm saying something about it **now**."

"P-please don't tell your father! I plan on getting a divorce and moving in with Jiraiya, but I'm not ready yet!" she stammered.

"No worries. Your dirty little secret is safe with me. Just warn me before you break the news. I've always wanted to see a grown man cry."

She throws me a quick and grateful smile. At least, I think it was. The Botox confuses me.

So. Very. Much.

My family could end up on Jerry Springer. I mean, just think about it: A bitter, delinquent daughter who grew up in her older brother's shadow. An older brother that illegally makes trades with other countries.

Yes, I know this too. I'm just waiting for Kusanji to reach the place in the world he's always been striving for, THEN rat him out and watch with cruel satisfaction as he comes spiraling down from his self-appointed high.

Sadistic and morbid? Yes. Going to be funny to watch? Hel-cough. Heck yes.

Anyway where was I, again?

Ah, yes: A bitter, delinquent daughter who grew up in her older brother's shadow. An older brother that illegally makes trade with other countries, trying to be come the perfect son for an over-expecting father. A hard-drinking father who expects too much from his wife and children, pressuring them to do things they don't want to do. A wife and mother who can't take the overbearing father's drunken ways or the shame her delinquent daughter brings, so she goes out and sleeps around to elevate some of the pain in her heart. Her daughter knows and it's making her bitter and want to rebel. It's a never ending circle.

See what I mean about being on Jerry Springer?

I assure mother that I won't tell, and help her find the keys to the car. I then go into the kitchen and start making noise to mask the sounds of the car leaving. Hey, when Kotoro finds out about her and Jiraiya, I want the full shock to hit him. I don't even want him to see it coming.

I'm a bit cruel, but it helps me not to feel pain. The only people I let get close to me are Hinata, TenTen, and my cousin Naruto.

Kotoro hears me banging around in the kitchen and comes stumbling in.

Drunk. Again.

He leans heavily against the counter, the bottle of whiskey clutched loosely in his hand.

Second wave of attack: My father, Kotoro. Strategy: Drunken staring and mumbling.

"Whhars yar modher?"

I love messing with him when he's drunk!

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"Oo herd me. Whhars yar modher?"

"Oh, that's what you said. She went to the store to get a bargain on toilet paper."

"Sheess goring at nite?"

"Silly Papi, its 11:00 in the afternoon." Well, it was eleven, just not in the afternoon.

"Oh…win yar gone gets some jobs! I tiyad ofv takn' ker of ya."

"I have one. But are you really sure about me moving out?" I smiled superiorly up at him.

His once foggy eyes suddenly cleared up. Crap. I read about that somewhere. The strong intensity of his feelings must have cleared up his head. He must have meant it! Kotoro shifted into a crouch. I stepped back, suddenly getting angry.

I finally do what he says, and he wants to throw me out. NOW where am I supposed to hide out from the government? And another thing. I'm not the girl who gets beat up by their drunk or semi-drunk parental figures! I want him to try something on me. ANYTHING at all. I just need an excuse…

"Yes! You are a burden. As a matter of fact, get out NOW!" He lurched forward in an attempt to grab me, but I easily sidestepped and gave him a gentle (in my opinion) push on his back.

The 'gentle' shove sent him flying through the wall, effectively getting his fat head stuck in the plaster. After checking his pulse to make sure he was alive, I stomped to my room and started throwing my stuff together. I was faintly surprised to find that I wasn't sad or remorseful about being basically ordered to leave.

I was actually feeling excited.

The first thing to do was find a place to stay. After phoning TenTen's, I found out from her tattoo artist brother Deidara that she was in jail again. Something about her being insulted at Starbucks. Long story short, she ended up getting dragged kicking and screaming out of the joint by the SWAT team, and the boy ended up with a scalding cup of coffee shoved down his throat.

I refuse stay with Deidara because he was having a meeting with his weird gang banger group, the Akatsuki. It's not like I'm scared of them. I've actually met them a couple of times. Their just really, really, really, REALLY weird. More on them later… Deidara wanted to know if I could call Hinata to ask for bail money for TenTen. I agreed since I had to call her anyway.

I couldn't stay with Hinata, though she did agree to pay TenTen's bail. She couldn't get the money right then because she was on house arrest. Apparently threatening a boy at KFC with a chicken breast is a good way to attract the F.B.I. They recognized her off a couple of bank heist tapes, so she's stuck in her house until she can get through to her lawyer. They won't allow her any visitors or house guests. The boy she described sounded familiar…

Anyway, she told me her A.T.M card number so I could withdraw the cash, but I can't get the money until Wednesday, because her parents are trying to shut down her account. It won't work of course, but her self-installed virus is blocking anyone who tries to get in for couple of days. I called Deidara back and told him I had it covered.

So I have to find _somewhere_ to stay. Hmm…I wonder what Naruto's doing right now…

_Ring._

_Ring. _

_Ring._

_Click._

"Hn."

Okay that definetly isn't Naruto's voice. It's too…serious…sounding. It sounds smooth and deep, like velvet. Wow, I got shivers up my spine just from hearing a one syllable answer.

"Um, is Naruto there?" Maybe I have the wrong number? Could Naruto have been stupid enough to give me the wrong number? I wouldn't put it past him…

"…" Okay that's weird. No answer. But I didn't hear him hang up…

"_Oi, Dobe. Phone." _ There he is. Hey, how'd he know what I called Naruto when we were younger?

"_**Who**__**is it Teme? If it's the bill collectors again, tell them I'LL have the money when I have it! Kami, they need to GET A LIFE AND stop bothering me when I'm eating my ramen! It's the only time they call!**__" _Now **that's** a voice I remember.

"who is this?" God, he sounded so incredibly…bored.

"Uh, just tell him it's the only person who'd go to an idiot for help." Well, if he doesn't get that, I'm dragging his tail back to the mental health ward.

"_They said they're the only person who would go to a dobe for help, dobe." _ One second, two seconds, three sec-.

"_**Psycho-Girl!**__" _ Bingo! "_**Give me the phone, teme! No you let go! I don't care if it's about to break, I gotta talk to Psycho! Of course she's more important than- *deep breath*-more important than ramen! No you can't throw it out!**_" There was a sound of scrabbling in the back ground with a few grunts and some solid thwacks that sounded like they hurt…

Finally Naruto picked up the phone. "Oww...stupid teme… Hullo? Psycho? You still there?"

"Hey, Naruto."

"It IS you! When are you coming to visit, I haven't seen you in so long."

"You just saw me today at McDonalds."

"Oh, yeah. So what did you call for?"

Let's see how to put this gently…

"Can I move in with you?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Sure, when? This week, next week, next month, you name it!" This is why I love him. He never hesitates to come to my aid.

"How about tonight?"

"Tonight? Wait…what happened?" Why does he always assume that when I call him, I'm in trouble? The nerve of some people!

"Kotoro threatened me, and then kicked me out."

"You didn't kill him did you? Psycho! You know you almost went to prison last time! What if they single me out as an accomplice or something? What if they confiscate my ramen for mutilative testing in area 51! What if-

"Naruto! Calm down! I didn't even touch him…much."

Naruto suddenly sounded like he was holding back laughter. "He's unconscious, isn't he?"

"…Maybe. Just tell me where you live."

He was choking with laughter by now. "O-o-kay! S-a-Sakura! I live about 10 miles out past Konoha High. Go down Kyuubi Lane, and I'm the second condo on the right. See you soon! Ooh! Wait a min-"

"Whatever," I cut him off. "I'll be there in about 20 minutes, okay?"

Click. I hung up on him. It was probably something stupid anyway.

I turned to my closet and began throwing my things together. I could get the rest of my stuff tomorrow after work. Satisfied that I had enough I turned and hopped out the window, landing on the old oak tree. I nimbly made my way down the trunk and into the garage.

Climbing onto my red and black motorcycle, I cranked it up. THANK you, Hinata! Best. Birthday. Present. Ever. That and the gun and dagger set from TenTen…which I also packed.

I jammed the helmet (It was black and had a red phoenix on the side. I know…Total Hotness right there) onto my head, revved the engine, fish-tailed around and sped off into the dark.

Five minutes later I passed a sign that said 'Speed Limit: 45 mph."

Tch. Yeah right.

I slammed on the gas…50, 55, 60, 70, 80, 95, 110. A sudden flashing behind me drew my attention to my left side view mirror. Blue and red.

The police.

Crap. Kami hates me.

But if I stay far enough ahead of them I might be able to get to Naruto's without them seeing where I'm headed.

I gunned the engine and darted forward, even faster than before, the police car struggling to catch up.

Time to see what this thing can do.

I offered up a quick prayer:

"Motorcycle gods, if you're up there, one of your own might be joining you real soon if I'm not careful. So please send us blessings of working brakes, tires with good traction, and bad eyesight for the dude behind us. If you do this I will leave offerings of warm oil at your shrine as soon as I find a crack-head who built one for an invisible motorcycle. Wish me luck. Sakura out."

The lone black-swathed girl with the trail of pink whipping out behind it shot away with the flashing car hot on her trail.

NARUTO'S APARTMENT:

3rd person:

Naruto Uzamaki stood looking at the phone in his hand. His psycho cousin Sakura had just hung up on him. And just when he was about to tell her something important for once! He was going to tell her that he had someone else who was staying with him already, and she was going to share the apartment with both of them. He turned his head towards the young man standing in the corner. He was the exact opposite of blue eyed, blond, tan, loud 6'2'' Naruto. Plus the whisker marks (Sakura. Second Grade. Permanent marker. Anger Issues. Enough said.)

The young man, Sasuke Uchiha, was described by the general female (and some male) population to be 'smexy'. Piercing dark eyes, face of a fallen angel, pale complexion, black hair 6'4'', toned body, strong but silent.

Psh. Whatever the public said, Sasuke was still a teme and Naruto's best friend.

Right now Sasuke holding a bowl of Naruto's limited edition bacon and gravy flavored ramen out the window. Naruto tried to remember what he and Sasuke had been doing before Sakura had called…Oh yeah!

Naruto snatched the bag of tomatoes off the table beside him and held a heavy textbook over them.

"Now Sasuke, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Just hand over the ramen and not one spot on any of these tomatoes will be bruised. But refuse and…well, you can guess what will happen." Naruto expected Sasuke to cave right away. He would rather be forced to watch his uncle's porn tapes than to waste a precious tomato.

But Sasuke only stared coolly at Naruto and uttered a quiet "Hn. You first."

"Now teme, you know I don't trust you enough to WAIT! Don't do it!" Sasuke had lightly shaken the bowl so that about an ounce of the contents had poured onto the streets six stories below. He smirked slightly as he saw Naruto's resolve weaken. The dobe was turning teary eyed already. Naruto had never been any good at stand offs. Sasuke slightly tipped the bowl another inch…

"AARRRGGHHH! I give. Take the stupid tomatoes! Just don't dump it!" Naruto practically sobbed as he set the tomatoes down gently.

"…That's all I needed to hear." And with that, Sasuke drew the bowl back in and held it towards Naruto. Naruto almost cried with relief as he started towards him. Sasuke smirked, took a step towards Naruto and…

Spun around and chucked the ramen out the window.

"Nnnooooooooooooooo! Teme that was a $40 limited edition bacon and gravy ramen! How could you? That's it! The tomatoes get it!" Naruto was surprised to see that Sasuke didn't make a move to stop him, rather just stayed where he was, smirking with amusement. That only infuriated him more.

Naruto reached into the bag and pulled out a tomato. He looked over his shoulder. Sasuke still wasn't moving. Naruto assumed it was because he was scared for his tomatoes' life. He turned back around and hurled the tomato at the wall. Instead splattering like he thought it would, it ricocheted back off and struck him dead center in his forehead.

Naruto spent the next several minutes clutching his aching, throbbing, probably bruising head while hopping up and down and cursing Sasuke.

The dark haired man simply smirked and quietly congratulated himself on thinking smart and replacing the tomatoes with rubber balls while Naruto was on the phone with 'Psycho-Girl'.

God, he hoped that wasn't a _fangirl_. Naruto wouldn't sink so low as to actually talk to _their kind_…would he? And he'd said something about the girl staying here.

Let's put that into an equation:

Sasuke + random fangirl + apartment = Sasuke getting raped in his sleep.

No. Effin'. Way. When hell froze over.

He had to know. Now.

He walked into the kitchen to get the dobe a bag of ice. He wouldn't be able to find out any thing with the dobe's screeching breaking the sound barrier. Though it probably didn't help much when the ice bag collided with Naruto's nose.

"OOOWWW! TEME!" And lo and behold, the screeching got louder. HOW is that possible?

Sigh. At least he tried.

**How was that? The voices wanted Naruto to get hit with something. I'm sorry Naruto! No luck with the plot. Still a little hazy here. Too much coffee, and the voices were whacking each other with bread sticks at two in the morning. **

**Review. Please. It's the only thing that gets them to SHUT UP! I'm begging you! End my suffering! But no flames! That makes them stupider AND louder!**


End file.
